Oyeeee~
So here's how to get a hold of me, or something.
I had this on my myspace but I took it off.
Might as well put it here. :3

CHAT~
MSN// ASK ME 
YAHOO// SpellG0@yahoo.com
AOL// Pelicanness

WEBSITES~
YOUTUBE// PelicanProductions
GAIAONLINE// Akifami
TWITTER// SpellGo
FACEBOOK// Giovanna Assunção
MYSPACE// Pelicanness

GAMING~
WoW// Gul'Dan - Akifami
PS3// xpscom
XBOX 360// ipmania
STEAM// Akifami

That's all, folks.

Sit up
Look down
Reach out
Fall, frown

Get up
Talk low
Scream out
Let go

Breathe in
Look out
Pull through
Come in

Search, find
Knowing
Loving
Seeking

Sit up
Look down
Rise out
Laugh loud

There isn't much I wish to say.
I just want to know that some part of me belongs to you.
That some part of me is important to you.
That maybe some part of me is worth listening to.

I just want you to see that I'm right there... every day and every night. It isn't heard to look out. It isn't hard to consider. Why am I the last one to know of anything? Why am I the last to be thought of? Is my happiness really that cheap to you? I really just want you to see my life. To really see it. Why are things like this? Things could be so simple... why can't you see that? If you say I'm all you got... then why are you letting me fade?

Fall hard
And land swiftly
Tell me what's next
Drift me farther from my mind
Pull me into a song
Thrill me past the wind
Rush me through my spine
Make me sing

There's nothing I can do.
Ouch.

I love how everything seems
So much bigger than it actually is
How can we trust ourselves
If our eyes cannot measure
The length of everything in front of us
The weight in between
We fall, head into the ground
Sound waves moving only inside us
Simple words will not suffice
Don't fool me with surprise
I will stand up to my defense
You cannot dream at my expense

Indeed, it has been wild-time since I last updated. So sorry, my loyal LJ readers.
Today I shall read all your wonderfulness and comment to you all as well.

It will be ruckus for me, this month of May. I'm going to deal with several online classes, my niece, work... oh, yeah. It should be fun.
I love doing things. It makes me feel useful, resourceful. It makes me certain that I'm alive and that I matter, you know?
Love it. It's like staring up at the sky. Oh, I do it all the time. I sit my the moon and gaze into the endless blue. I love it.
The sunlight peeking through the clouds, giving live to what is certainly there forever. Gives me the feeling of time and space. Life is sooo way beyond the point where we stop. It's sooo much more than just me. It's my soul connected to others, like strings. It's beautiful.

There is something you have to know about me:
I'm afraid. Petrified, actually. Every step I take forward into my life, I fear. I'm scared I do something wrong. I'm scared of falling, scared of taking someone down with me. I'm so scared of myself, my lack of trust at times with my own "think too much" mind... but this doesn't stop me. As long as I am honest... I know that, in some way, I'll be safe, you know? That is how I am. My fears, the irrationality that is formed in my mind by several sleepless episodes at night with nothing to do but think will never interfere with my pushing through. I am at a point where I have realized it is useless to resist. It is what I want, and once I understand that (which I have), then all there is left to do is enjoy the ride.

The same should be with many of you... whatever you are all going through that makes you afraid or withdraw... whatever that makes you want to step back... don't. Fear lives near the crazy, beautiful and meaningful ideas. Go for it. Do it. Allow yourself to receive what you really want. That's powerful to do and it's beautiful. Trust and believe in yourself. It's cheesy, yes... but it works. Don't let your fearful state of mind over cloud your sense rooted with wit.

Anyways, I am happy. Everything is just working marvelous. My family is stitching itself up quite nicely. The problems still linger there, but it has become so easy to catch them and trap them for destruction. I can breathe again. Nothing is perfect, no... it's not. Perfect would be impossible with a mind like mine. I thrive with imperfections. With how interesting every event can become. With knowing I have the power to overcome it. Perfect would be boring. But, everything is nearing perfection. The kind of perfect that isn't perfect, but sooo perfect (haha) With each day, my plans... my wit grows. I feel like I'm blossoming. Is that senseless? No, its not. It's just that kind of happiness that fills you up completely and you feel your heart ringing inside you. It's there, doing that... I feel it. Constantly.

I know, at the same time, that it cannot stay this way for long. Something will go wrong, I know this. I know, though, that I am strong. I can take it. So if an issue is just roaming around.. well, fine. Come. I'll show you who's boss.

When everything about my appearance screams breakable; light, almost too soft and too clear skin, with tiny wrists and such a "darling" little-girl face (as several have mentioned so)... For that I make up for with spirit, with faith. For that I make up for with some out of nowhere knowledge. It's like I know things I didn't know I knew, every day. I don't know where it comes from, but it is there nonetheless. For my fragile appearance I make up for in my own ability to view things differently. One of the few things I truly enjoy about myself. I would die without my mind (well..obviously, haha. Gosh, Gio... you know you do need your head to live).

My insides are fenced with steel.

P.S.- Yeah, my niece loves them bandaids. She gets a tiny, harmless scratch, and swears it won't heal until there's a bandaid neatly placed on it. I've explained to her that bandaids are only truly necessary when you're bleeding or something, all in vain.

I'm upset.
Whenever I make plans... and hope for something for sooo long, someone's life goes amiss and I have to stop my life to fix theirs; to make theirs more comfortable.

Nobody stops to think how I'd feel about it. Nobody asks either. Everyone's eyes looking at me, longing for me...but not because they enjoy my presence, but because they need me for something. They need me to make their life easier. They know I'll pile my life up on a shelf and access it later... and pretty soon, I'll need two shelves.

Ignore me all your life. Make no effort to keep me close... until you need me to do you a favor. You bet so high on my love for you and the bitter yet sweet part about it is that you win. You are predator, to the finest. Get me where I'm weak.

I'm exhausted. Agony and pain boiling in my chest when I really just want to go to one place... my fortress, do one thing... and be new again. I don't need much, and I don't ask for much... so why can't they understand that for once, I'd like to make a plan and go through it. For once, I'd like to be able to do something I want. Uncaring if it's right or wrong. Uncaring about what others will think or say... nothing matters, other than what I want. For once, I'd like to ditch my loyalty and just be free of everything. Sounds selfish and maybe even cruel... but my life is constantly paused for others and I feel the dust gathering around me.

This is why Iran away once. Because... for once, I'd like to do what I want when I want. I'm not going to run again, because I promised I wouldn't... but oh, I can't wait until my first oppertunity comes... and I'll slip away.

I love helping... but in the middle of helping everyone... who will help me?

Oh, you keep me up at night
Silent, waiting, patient
Oh, you ring in my thoughts
While you lye quiet on your bed
You startle me; you frighten me
You know me; you smile for me
And what am I waiting for?
What am I trying to say?
I am not saying anything
Maybe I will someday
And so I sail through your hair
And stop at your eyes
Stare at my right hand
And all I see is the clear, blue sky
And the moon flickers it's charm
For the world to see
That she is looking for something
that isn't very far
But afraid to reach for a hand less figure
She cannot be caught
Oh, you keep me up at night
Plunging through my arms
Urging through my veins
To run to you
With my bare feet
This is a first, but not last
to write to you
Words you cannot see
So unexpected for you, I can only imagine
But mostly, for me
For what is me and you
Is mostly you about me
And we hang on clues
we throw at each other
On a fine line
Ringing across the stars
I only seem to see in your voice
And in the spinning Earth
We walk away and towards each other
I laugh at this conclusion before it dares to happen
I write red across my face
Bow my head in embarrassment
Oh, you can't see but
You know me; and I smile

I don't know what to say. I don't know what I want...
I just think that this is all wrong. Problems avalanche their way down my frozen mind. And the rhythm in my soul trembles. I can't hear those around me... my insides are falling. I'm so young, yet so old. So filled with curiosity towards this year... what I've seen so far doesn't exactly thrill me, but I'm not letting myself cry too much about it. Hah, I laugh about this. I laugh in the face of lighting coming down to strike me. Go ahead, we'll do this your way.

It's a pit. I'm FORCING myself to climb up. I was pushed down here. It was either this, or be crushed by the falling rocks.

I don't feel invincible. I don't feel powerful or confident... in fact, there's one thing on my mind right now... and if I could have it, [although it has nothing to do with why my week was so awful] I'd feel ready for what comes next. It's not up to me, though. But how long are you going to kid yourself? Hoe long are you going to play this game? the pieces are dripping down the table, one by one. Tell me what you want. Don't disappear on me again. Don't tear us apart.

Like the most obvious things, I know I'll breathe through this. But oh my, do I need air?

I know I'll be fine, I know everything will spin right back... but you see, I don't want it to spin right back to where I started. This will only bring me in front of a computer screen spilling my guts out, again.

I always say that my worst days are also my best. When I feel pain, I know I'm alive. When I feel hurt and cry I know that was a day where something happened. I know that this was a day where I am evaluating things. It's a day I'm learning.
It was a terrible week. It was a wonderful week.

I'm not going to sit here and stare blankly into someone's face as I pour out all the things that go wrong. Instead [,and I want YOU to do this sometime] when your day is terrible... right at the center of it's awfulness, sit, stare up at the blue sky... and just smile. Remember my words. Smile at your awful day... laugh at the fact that life isn't fair at all. It's just fairer than death.

Will I breathe through this? No.
[But like one of the songs I like best say,]
When you got what I got, you don't need air.